Paul Stafford
Pants on Fire
Crawford House, 1999
108p., pbk., $9.95
Blatantly Bogus is a book that has 7 short stories. The stories are:
The Electric Undies Scoob Parker has a new invention the electric undies
The Funnel-Web Run Barney has a freaky experience with Funnel-Web spiders.
The Miraculous Muscle Machine Jeff will do nearly anything to get his hands on a Miraculous Muscle Machine, but theyre too expensive. He changes his mind when he sees what happens to Hugo.
Brainiac Super smart, super pain in the neck. Sam Sieban makes a rideable hot air balloon and attempts to get over the lake and to the school. Will he make it?
The Big Dinner Mrs Pottingsworth-snide is holding another one of her annoying dinners to raise money for the school. What a dinner!
Flee Fly Leon Phelps wants to break the fly-killing record. Gross, huh!
The Discount Christmas Company Petra and Rina are picked to help plan the schools 15th anniversary Christmas party. Petra has a great idea of a parachuting Santa Claus but the $145 isnt enough, so they bet $100 on a horse race.
This book has a few inappropriate words but otherwise it is pretty good. Most of the stories are funny.
The illustrator, Shane Summerton, has drawn funny, little cartoon pictures on the front and back cover, making the story look more interesting, plus, you get 8 free stickers included with the book.
Reviewer: Zoe, 12, Perth
Basically Bollocks consists of eight stories with different characters in each story.
The words are easy to read, and all stories are read-alone. All the stories were funny, with two stories being just ok. The language is all right but there are some inappropriate words, that is why I think the readers should be 11 and 12 years old or above.
There werent any illustrations in the stories but the front cover is good, especially when added to the other books, making a complete picture.
All the stories are set in the present day.
I enjoyed all the stories and would recommend it to my friends.
The short story titles are:
Anthony Kerr and the Acker factory
The Birthday Bummer
The Helmet
The Running Potion
The Dog Squeeze
Baboon Brain
The Koala Creek Mascara
Ludicrous Lies
The Lentil Report
Marty Farquar has to sit next to John Hopkins in class who does the grossest, loudest, smelliest, killer farts. He was the MASTER BLASTER and it got worse! He was always blamed for it!
The King of the Mountain
You have to be kidding billy carting down a massive mountain called Cumjong Heights at Midnight! That is what Chris tries to achieve.
Hairbrain
This guy is mad he would do anything to get Rebecca Reids attention. You name it, hed do it, but she thinks hes a jerk.
Double Spook
Phil made a bet with his sister. If she stays in the old mill on Friday night and doesnt believe in ghosts on Monday morning then she wins! But when he tries to scare her, they see a ghost a real one.
The Razo King
Fat Larry wanted all the razos more than anyone else. The only way you could get them was to buy Chappers Corn Chips. Fat Larry had tons except for razo number 36, the rarest one.
Dead Set
Abbotsford King runs his own detective agency. Try cracking a case put together with your worse fear, the dentist! Abbotsford King tries to beat a criminal at the dentist but it all goes wrong when the criminal catches him.
The Book
When a family builds a robot nothing could go wrong right. Yeah right! The whole family starts fighting over it. It gets a lot worse!
I think this book is suitable for age 12 and up. I think this book is read-aloud and read- alone book. Paul Stafford is a great writer and I cant wait to read his other books.
Reviewer: Fat Tommy, 12, Perth
Fully Faked has 6 short stories in it. I liked all the stories, especially the one about the static electricity. The book is for readers of about 12 years of age.
By Cherie, 11, Perth metro
Heinous Humbuggery
The Space Undies: Scoob Parker has invented something that will get him into aired into space.
Buried in Time: Henry Doodle has gone nuts. Hes imagining that hes on a beach and seeing and talking to pirates.
Beanz Meanz Revenge: When Billy Boom Boom Barnes gets into trouble, hes sent to scoutmaster Beaglehole. Beaglehole is mean, hes angry but he hasnt met Billy!
Assassin: When Lisa Luckstep found out the Queen was coming to town, she had to get her.since she is the ASSASSIN!
Lawn and Order: Larry Beancurd finds himself in court trying to divorce his parents because they tried to embrace him in the most terrifying ways!
The Lagerphone Lesson: When a kid invents a musical instrument, the whole town loves it, but for all the wrong reasons.
The Ballad of Stinky Jenkins: Sharon Jenkins is given the most disgusting job but shes found a way to make it all good.
I think kids around the age of 12 to 15 should read this book.
The illustrations are good but there arent many of them.
The titles are great; eye-catching. I can say the same for the cover, too.
When the covers of all 8 books are joined together they make a greater picture.
The book is a read-alone book, but then again it is good to share the laughs around.
My favourite story is Beanz Meanz Revenge because it is funny and gross (in a good way).
Reviewer: Ben , 12 , Perth
There were 5 short stories in this book. I think the Pants on Fire series is for ages 12 and up.
My favourite story was, Pissed Off because it is funny. I dont know where Paul Stafford got his sense of humour.
I want to read all of Paul Staffords books. I hope he writes another series.
Pissed Off: This story is about a girl that still wets her bed at the age of 12. Her name is Rachael. Her brother calls her Miss Piss when the oldies are away.
Locker 13: Locker 13 is about a boy called Wes who always gets into trouble and would swear at anybody that said he could be good. One day he stood on a frog and was expelled.
Bludge Tuesday: BT is about a boy that does not like school at all. He got expelled for saying, rat-brained goody-goodies.
The Crappy Filler Story: The pants on fire team fails to top the ton in the page count. All hell breaks loose in the office.
Reviewer: Cam, 12, Perth
Chronic Crapola
The story is a humorous type of book. The setting and characters are good for the type of story it is.
The book is easy to read because the size is not too small and not too big. The style of writing is also suitable because it is very clear to the person reading the book.
The quality of the illustration on the cover of the book is good because when all of the books in the series are joined they form a picture of a person.
Most of the words are descriptive about what is happening at the time.
There are some inappropriate words in the story and that is why I said it is suitable for ages twelve and up.
The layout of the book is just like a normal novel and is very easy to read.
I would say the book would probably be a book that you read to yourself.
I think that the book is a good and funny book to read and recommend it to lots of other enthusiastic readers that like funny books and do not mind a bit of inappropriate language.
Overall, the book is excellent to read and I would not mind reading it again one day. I would give the book a rating of Eighty-Five out of One Hundred.
Reviewer: Slim Jim, 11, Perth
Paul Seedys Head
This is the first of seven stories in this hilarious book. The story is about Paul Seedy who when he was born had a real ugly expression on his face when the wind suddenly changed. So he sets out looking for the right time when the wind changes again and is there waiting patiently with a peaceful expression. However, dont things go to plan?
My rating: 6/10
Kronks Special Cut
This story is about a ex army dude who comes to a small town and scares the local hairdresser away making him the new hairdresser. However, the people do not like the new hairdresser. Whatever hair cut you ask for you always get the Kronks Special Cut. The children decide to take revenge and ruin this good for nothing hairdresser.
My rating: 5/10
FutureSchool
This story is about a love sick school captain who would do anything to win his girls love. The story is full of racism and really gets you thinking.
My rating: 9 / 10
The Wart List
The story involves a girl called Amelia Crock who in the doctors waiting room when a woman leaves a very old book. As Amelia reads, she discovers that the book is full of hexes, wart hexes to be exact. She uses it to take revenge on anyone who dares insult her in any way. However, the book backfires leaving Amelia worse then she started.
My rating: 9 /10
Keith Goes Bald
This story is based on how a boy woke up bald and is searching for his hair.
My rating: 2/10
Going for Broke
The story involves three stupid farms that use everything they have just to win the island they share. They end up losing everything they have but who will win.
The Bumspray Boys Ride Again
This humorous story involves two down right digusting gang fighting for the name of the towns most public nuisances. Its full of foul tricks not even fit to describe.
My rating: 10/10
Overall I really enjoyed this book and recommend it for all the kids out there who enjoy a good laugh. Because there are one or two unacceptable words, I would recommend for kids over 11.
Reviewer: Amy, 12, Perth
